It’s 3 a.m. and I’m still feeling pain

Lately, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night because of some health issues. My doctor is keeping an eye on it, but so far, it doesn’t seem to be anything serious. The only really annoying part is that the pain wakes me up at night. Funny enough, it happens at almost exactly the same time every night. But that’s beside the point.

Since then, I’ve discovered a new part of the day for myself. At first, I would just watch videos online to distract myself. By now, I write my shopping list, work on my website, or go through emails.

I can remember using these hours in a similar way when I was a teenager. Back then, I didn’t have the pain, of course, but I was one of those teenagers who turned night into day, just without disturbing anyone.

As a pretty extroverted person, the night is almost the complete opposite of the kind of environment I usually feel comfortable in. And yet, it has always been one of my favorite times of the day.

The sounds that disappear during the day suddenly seem amplified. There are no everyday noises drowning them out anymore. The hum of the fridge, the fluttering of an insect somewhere in the room, or simply the wind outside. Things that normally wouldn’t even register suddenly become part of the room. It reminds me of what I like so much about lo-fi music. I think I just forgot about that feeling because, for years, I basically slept through it.

It’s funny how borrowed this time feels, too. Sometimes I sit outside on my balcony and there is absolutely nobody around. Nothing is happening. Not a single person is walking down the street, and there are barely any lights on in the surrounding windows. There is this short window of time where everything is completely silent, and for a moment it almost feels like I’m the only person awake on the planet. Like I somehow got a few extra minutes on Earth that nobody else is having. Of course, I know these hours have always existed. I just wasn’t usually awake to notice them.

In the end, as much as I’ve grown to like these hours again, I still hope this phase ends soon. Hopefully my doctor can give me something that works a little better than what I have right now. I’m still adjusting to all of this, but as nice as the quiet can be, I really need to sleep.