I don’t have social media and I hope it’s not because I want to be edgy

I've had an on and off relationship with social media for like six years now. Ever since I got a smartphone, I was on pretty much every social media platform I could think of. Facebook, Instagram, Google+, but also more niche ones that I don't even remember anymore. I even had a YouTube channel where I uploaded videos. I'm not even sure my parents knew about all of it, but I loved the spirit of the people and how everyone shared everything, the good and the bad stuff.

After several years, switching schools and eventually starting a job, I started to notice that I was stuck behind a screen and that it wasn't good for me. I also became more concerned about privacy, but all my friends were there and it felt like I had to be there too. I didn't really want to be on those platforms anymore, but I also didn't want to miss out on anything.

I also noticed a small shift in the types of posts. They started to feel more like a portfolio or a curated version of someone's life, rather than the raw person themselves. I noticed how this also affected me negatively. I became more jealous, thinking some people weren't my friends anymore because I wasn't invited to a party or because I got the feeling they were hanging out more with other people.

Now, without that teenage brain and being a bit older than I was back then, I know I was overthinking all of this. But I think that habit of comparing myself to others never completely went away. I still notice that jealousy when I see someone succeeding in life and it seems like they didn't have to put in much effort, while I had to work so hard to get where I am now. I don't know tho if jealousy is even the correct term, because I wish and hope the best for everybody. I want people to have less drama and stress in life than I do, and I know that I'm privileged when it comes to where I was able to start in life. It's just a weird feeling that I don't always know how to explain, and social media certainly didn't make it better.

But back to the topic…

I left social media before COVID. Why do I mention this virus? Because that was a turning point for a lot of things for me, including my relationship with social media.

While I deleted my Instagram, I never really left it. I still sometimes took my friends' phones and continued consuming content there, almost like an addict who can never really get off. But it was more controlled. Controlled because I told myself never to go there again.

Then, in 2020, everything turned online and I did too. Suddenly, being online was pretty much the only way to stay connected with people. We even used an app called Houseparty to connect spontaneously. And with everything happening online, I slowly found myself back on the platforms I had tried so hard to leave.

I don't really want to talk about my "relapse" to be honest, but I felt all those feelings from before again, and with TikTok I even isolated myself for hours in my free time, when I didn't have to work or study. It was weird because I already knew how those platforms made me feel, but I still ended up spending so much time on them.

I might be writing all of this more dramatically than it actually was, but I really feel strongly about this and I'm happy that I eventually took that step again!

It wasn't really one big moment where everything changed. After COVID, I just started noticing how boring it actually was to be on those platforms. The more I came back, the less I understood why I even wanted to be there in the first place.

Why do I look at pictures when the real world is so much more impressive? Why do I listen to opinions from others that I don't even want or need to hear? And why do I have to look at someone's curated life when I can just talk to them and hear the whole story, including the hard and the good parts?

I think that's what I missed the most about how social media used to feel. It wasn't really about connecting with people anymore, at least not for me. I was mostly just consuming things, comparing myself to others and wasting time that I could have spent doing something else.

While I'm writing this, I feel stupid writing about it because it seems so logical. But I see more and more people experiencing the same side effects that I did, and it's so normalised to be like that. Meanwhile, I'm getting weird looks for not having social media.

And that's another weird thing about all of this. Even tho I know that I feel better without it, those weird looks sometimes make me question my decision. Am I actually missing something? Is there something on those platforms that makes them worth using?

Because of that, I still check in every now and then, either on some new technology or back on Instagram, just to see if I'm missing something.

But I can tell you:

In the end, whenever I end up on social media again, I don't really relapse like I did back in 2020. I usually delete the account after a couple of minutes because I notice how much worse it's gotten. And every time I do that, I feel a little more confident about my decision to stay away. And maybe that's also why I wanted to write this. I don't want to be one of those people who make not having social media their whole personality.

I just know that I don't like how it makes me feel, and that my life is better without it.

Maybe that's enough of a reason.

Disclaimer: Of course I have GitHub and also more private social media like WhatsApp. While GitHub is mostly just a tool for me, WhatsApp is a big part of how people communicate here in most of Europe, and I wish I could turn off some of its annoying features.